We are at Grandma's house waiting. I feel like this whole year has been a time of waiting. Maybe this blog should be entitled, "Patience in Waiting", because of course I have not been patient, I've been in survival mode, relying on my own strength to carry me through. It's been the hardest year of my life, or one of them. But, I feel like things are finally settling down, I feel like myself again, I feel like I can see. The kids have been amazingly resilient, all things considering. Eden is doing so incredibly well; I notice small incremental miracles daily. It is an answer to so many prayers.

Waiting.

It has become my life. October 1 is our year mark, although Neal left two weeks before that for training. Neal left before Tommy's first birthday, before his first official step. Before Neal left for Saudi Arabia and Puerto Rico, he'd been gone to Israel and Jordan with his previous job. He left for 6 weeks when Tommy was three months old, I remember thinking how long it was,that I didn't think the time would ever pass---little did I know this would foreshadow the upcoming year. Time has gone by, feels "normal" to not have dad around, but when he is home it is as if he never left. I worry each time he comes home how the kids will do when he leaves again, for a while it was really hard on Eden, she'd have nightmares, cry for Neal, wonder when he was coming home, but as she gets stronger, things have been better. Since we've been here they have just rolled with it. Of course they LOVE hearing daddy's voice, and LOVE him being home, but as long as Tommy and Eden have each other, they jump back into things after he leaves.

Waiting.

This was not the plan. Initially, it was going to be a few months, which turned into another few months, and now almost a year later, we are still here. waiting. Granted, apparently, "no-one" stays in Saudi for the summer, so we are home for the summer, waiting on our housing situation to "work out". Our goal is to be in the Kingdom (and trust me , it is a kingdom) by the first week to third week of September---sometime immediately after Ramadan.

We are currently here living with the in-laws. Florida is an ideal place for kids, the beach is superb, we have zoo passes, there is a children's museum, lots of Sue's favorite shopping "holes", pools, library story time, alligators, herons and egrets, manatees, dolphins, skipper the jumping fish---we are having a good time here. It is so nice being with grandma and grandpa, having the kids know them on a more intimate level than just two weeks here and there when we get together for family reunions---WHICH WE JUST HAD.

We went to Hilton Head, and then headed to South Carolina, Charleston. The vacation was so perfect. The accommodations were beautiful, we ate at some wonderfully delicious restuarants, the kids played at the harbor, we took a ferry ride out to a fort, toured a plantation, went kayaking (and saw dolphins!!)----it was a nice retreat from life. Neal's family has a way of reinvigorating his morale, that is one of the reasons I love getting together with them as often as possible.

We were in Saudi BEFORE the reunion for three weeks. It was well, Saudi. It is incredibly isolating, in every way possible. There was some mix up with our housing arrangement, so things were not in place for us when we got there. My friend that has lived in Saudi now for almost two years said that is the price you pay for living there, everyone goes through it. Hopefully for us, since we already "paid our dues" our next trip out, our "real" trip, where we actually settle there, will be less dramatic. Ideally, we will settle into a nice place, spacious enough for the kids to have a bit of leg room for those less than welcoming weather days, that has internet service, a phone, running hot water, and a stove that works. I must say, the place we were living definitely has its glitches, but it was beautiful, nestled nicely against the Red Sea with a pool in the backyard (if you can call it that), completely (and beautifully) landscaped with lots of flowers and palm trees, date palms and coconuts.

However, all the beauty in the world will not make up for loneliness-----so we are working on that. It is still a big question mark in my head. We have good friends that live about an hour up the road (in PARADISE!!!!!), I think another family from the DC/Reston area may be moving out, and they have some little ones too. The difficult thing is Eden will not be in school, I will be homeschooling her (for the time being) and every other child will be in school at the age of three, so even if we knew kids they would still only be available on the weekends.

I'm feeling better about things though, or more appropriately, I feel peace. finally. Peace with our decision to make this leap, the decision to build a home in Saudi Arabia for the next 3-5-10yrs, I've found the faith to do it. To trust in ourselves, to trust in the Lord, and to just be at peace. It feels good after a long year of struggling and emotional instability.

We are selling our condo, if it doesn't sell we'll rent it. We've sold our car, all of our furniture is gone, most of our toys/books/clothes are in Saudi waiting for us to unbox them. We've left it all behind. Feels so strange to work for so many years building a home, creating a safe place to raise children in, buying, preparing, anticipating, and then to just virtually give it all away. just. like. that. Sometimes I think I needed this year to just let go, to be able to move on, and to work through my own inner turmoil and come to my own decision before one was granted me from the Lord---before peace could come. The nice thing is, it has come.

Faith, it moves mountains.