My Little Eden Elizabeth

Well, here we go, another transition. Eden will begin school tomorrow. She was in bed early, her outfit and shoes are laid out on the blue chair with her special "school slippers", black "ballerina" shoes from Target (same as the pink ones she has in Saudi). She is finally getting excited about the fish, bird and books at school (she added the books on her own). I felt this dread leaving the Montessori school, after paying our "tuition" & fees (just about as expensive, if not a little more than BYU per year). The feeling of foreboding was the same one I felt every other time I seriously thought about putting her in "school", but this time, the decision was made before I got there, that I was doing it, that it was the best thing for Eden, and that I could live with her being gone for three hours every day, even if Tommy and I will be dreadfully lonely without her.

I hope she does well, I hope she doesn't get frustrated with herself, I hope the teacher learns how much to push and how much to let go, I hope she makes friends, I hope she learns to be independant and giving, I hope she learns to care about what she does, learns to appreciate beauty in all its forms, I hope she develops a sense of confidence within herself to be able to do hard things, and push her mind and body to conform to her will.

Eden has to do things on her own, she does HORRIBLY with pressure, she freezes (like her mommy) and it is VERY uncomfortable (trust me I know) so generally she will scream at whoever is doing the pushing, then as soon as they look away, focus on the task given and on her own terms, tackle it. She does it every time, usually to the bafflement of whoever was just asking her to do it, amazed that she can indeed accomplish it. I don't know if they recognize that her screaming, or seeming indignation is really an uncomfortableness within herself. The only way she knows how to handle that is to just stop, stop the pressure, stop the performing---she has to do it on her own terms , in her own way.

Tonight grandpa asked Eden if she liked to spell, of course she replied no---her general answer to everything. Then he asked her if she wanted to spell her name, and if she knew how to do it. Another no. But, she took the lead this time and asked grandma to write her name, grandma then asked how you spelt it. She said, "I don't know". Then I asked, knowing she DID know---so she looked at grandma and said E-D-E-N. A little later, after a few words being written by grandma, grandpa asked if Eden wanted to spell her name, of course she said no, but took the pen and wrote out an "E"---then he asked her to write a "D", he showed her how to do it, but upon failing she got frustrated and just shut down. Grandpa went about doing whatever he was doing (we were sitting around the dinner table) when she attempted a "D". Eden can do things, she is capable of so much, but you have to get past her, her insecurities, her freezes, her immediate "I don't knows" and consequent "no's" and believe in her, not get offended by her, or grow impatient, and just love her.

I think this will be so good for Eden, in so many ways. I really hope it is the right thing for right now. I think it is. I just kept telling my nagging feeling of doubt in enrolling her in "school" that I'd already made the decision, and I was trying it out. period.

I think, or am at least hoping, this will last until mid-November when we will move to Saudi. I will either enroll her in a Montessori like program there or choose to homeschool, setting up a Montessori like-ess approach at home. I am hoping to volunteer and "observe" the classroom enough to get a feel for what works and what doesn't. I love that Eden will have a checklist of things to master before moving on to next steps, that her activities will be self directed, that she will be the one to choose where she goes next and what she works on within very definite parameters. I love how every child has their own individual checklist, that is specially tailored to them.

In short, I'm really in love with the hands on approach of Montessori curriculum. If I could pick anything for Eden this would be it. The school we've enrolled her in is one of the only fully accredited schools here, Eden's teacher is the original teacher who opened the school, and trains teachers in the Montessori method. There is a lot of opportunity for parents to be involved, and if I were rich I'd be enrolling Tommy in their part time program as well.

Here's to everything!